Growing ... boundaries

Explored my boundary issues today .

What has happened ?

During an online meeting with colleagues, I shared a different opinion from a fellow colleague. The situation escalated when he began accusing and belittling me in front of others, leading to a heated conversation. Although I remained silent at the time, I couldn't stop thinking about it all day with frustration. This prompted me to email him later, asserting my position not just for that day but also to prevent similar incidents in the future.

Till today I thought that my boundary issues were only limited within my family, but I've realised that I struggle with setting boundaries everywhere.

The truth is that I have a weird relationship with boundaries. I prefer to flex them in order not to put the relationship at risk. I swallow instead what happens to me and that is building up. It's not bearable anymore. Then when I try to say something to anyone that is overstepping those boundaries, it becomes huge and bursts like a dynamite with all those feelings of unfairness and abuse, from when I hid my feelings deep inside.

Then the next think I do is not to talk or when i talk I get so angry and at the same time I leave, before the other one ends it. I kind of expect that they will end the connection when I put my boundary, so I choose to end it myself.

Therefore i could never speak up, neither in my professional space nor in my intimate relationships. With the fear of not getting out of hand . But this made it grow bigger inside me . Made it harder to ignore because it ends with me leaving the relationship and i dont want to do that anymore. I need to stand my ground and ask for my respect back, and i need to do it again and again till the other either understands it or not. And let them pick their responses , let them be responsible for their actions against my boundary , my respect affirmation. Because its theirs.

My responsibility is to do what is best for me , and that is to respect first an foremost my own boundaries , communicate them and share them without fear . Being able to make valuable and deeper connections with people that are willing and appreciate to know and accept who i really am .

It took me about 40 years to start talking and defending my self and even though i am still in the beginning with lots of steps to do, i am realising how my behaviour has changed over the years and how safer i feel with my self knowing that i will stand by and stop anyone that is crossing my boundaries and stepping on my core values .

Living with ADHD can present unique challenges when it comes to setting and respecting boundaries. We often struggle with impulsivity, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and we become people pleasers very easily which can have a big impact in personal well-being and eventually in the relationship in question. Establishing clear boundaries is essential not only for personal growth but also for fostering healthy interactions with others.